The Grandfather

Gossip Girl: Springtime on the Upper East Side. Where the winter chill is supposed to be so last season. But when mittens and scarves are still all the rage, the best thing you can do is just button up and hope for warmer days.

Vanessa (Jessica Szohr): Budapest. Prague. Brest. Dubrovnik.
Dan: Ah, there’s nothing like summer on the Eastern Bloc. Just a Eurorail Pass and a backpack full of failed socialist policies.
Vanessa: And Nate. The Vienna State Opera one day, pierogies in Poland the next. No map. No reservations, just total freedom. And Nate is super excited too.
Dan: Probably not as excited as he is about our day or college basketball.

Dan: You’re going to skip out on your family reunion? I appreciate your commitment to the game—
Nate: No. Listen, man, I’m not going to go pretend to bond with the people who shut me and my mom out when my dad got busted.

Chuck: I went to see her last week. She never came home. It’s not like our girl to be out all night. I know something’s going on. This is more than her having her dirty laundry aired on Gossip Girl.
Serena: She, um, she got rejected by Yale.
Chuck: The only thing she wanted more than me. That would be painful.
Serena: Chuck, she’s embarrassed. So we just need to give her some time to lick her wounds.
Chuck: Maybe I can lick them for her.

Bex (Jill Flint): Lily, I just want to thank you for handling this so gracefully. The whole Rufus thing. The whole “Rufus and I used to date” thing. Oh god. Please tell me that I am not putting an enormous foot in my mouth. He told you, right?
Lily: Well of course he did. It’s fine. So you were thinking above the bed? I think it’ll look fantastic there.

Nate: What were you guys talking about?
Vanessa: Are you sure you don’t want to go to your family reunion?
Dan: We know they weren’t cool to you and your mom, but it seems like your cousin is trying to make up for it.
Nate: Yeah well unless he’s armed with an engraved apology from my grandfather I do not care.
Vanessa: Nate, they’re making an effort.
Nate: Yeah sure, they’re making an effort now. But where were they when we needed them?

Rufus: She wasn’t my girlfriend. We just went out a few times.
Lily: You might have mentioned that, considering she works for me. It was humiliating.
Rufus: Well I’ve been meaning to tell you.
Lily: You know it’s a shame we never see each other. Are there any other exes I should know about? My trainer? My accountant?
Rufus: I’m sorry. But it’s not like I’ve ever asked you to make a list of everyone you’ve ever dated.
Lily: Yes, well I’d be happy to make one.
Rufus: Sure.
Lily: You think I wouldn’t?
Rufus: I don’t think about it. I think you should just drop it.
Lily: Let’s make lists.
Rufus: Lily—
Lily: Look you clearly have some idea about my past that I’d prefer to dispel and this way I won’t be blindsided again. Unless of course there’s something that you don’t want known.
Rufus: Alright.
Lily: Okay. Tonight then. At dinner. Be ready.
Rufus: This has disaster written all over it.

Dan: Flying low. There must be a hospital nearby.
Trip (Aaron Tveit): It’s not a medivac. It’s Grandfather’s ride. He’s gonna be so surprised to see you.
Nate: Wait, I though this was his idea.
Trip: Not exactly.
Nate: So I came to give him a chance and he didn’t even want one?
Vanessa: Nate, wait. You’ve come this far.

Gossip Girl: Looks like V is leading a lost lamb back to the flock. And C is coming to B. Sheepishly bearing gifts.

Chuck: I would have come here earlier. I stopped to pick up something.
Blair: How thoughtful.
Chuck: Serena thinks you’re in some kind of trouble. Seems to me your only problem is having a party all by your lonesome.
Carter (Sebastian Stan): Except she’s not alone.
Chuck: What are you doing with this insect?
Blair: Having the time of my life. Thank you very much.
Chuck: Well as much as I enjoy bursting your bubble, he’s just using you to get at me. Ask him about his role as a kidnapper for a certain secret gentleman’s club. I should know, I had him expelled.
Carter: Oh please. All I did is bring that girl to a waiting pile of cash. Which I understand she gladly took before leaving town. Without you.
Chuck: Blair. This guy—
Blair: What? Dishonest? Bad news? He can’t be any worse than you.
Chuck: I’m the one trying to help you!
Blair: Help me? Is that what you were doing at your little gentleman’s club while my life was going up in flames? I’d rather take Carter’s help.

Gossip Girl: We hear Carter Baizen’s dealt Chuck another losing hand. But rest assured, Upper East Siders. Chuck always has a card up his sleeve.

Blair: Do you know how exhausting it’s been being Blair Waldorf for the past 18 years. All the work, the planning.
Serena: You mean the plotting?
Blair: Yes. I’m glad it blew up in my face. It was a wake up call. I was such an overachiever I was headed for a quarter life crisis at 18.
Serena: Well B, you’ve had a couple of setbacks but there must still be a way to get into a great college and if anyone can do it, it’s you.
Blair: No S. I’ve learned the hard way. I can’t control everything. Plan everything. Now with Carter’s help I’m trying something different. In fact, if I’m somewhere and I can say “Blair Waldorf would never do that” guess what? I’ll do it. She walks off with purloined sunglasses.
Serena: B. B, You have to pay for those.
Blair: So call security.

Serena: Hey. We have a problem.
Chuck: Let me guess. Carter Baizen. As usual you’re a step behind.
Serena: He’s encouraging the worst in her.
Chuck: True. Unfortunately my PI has yet to dig up an unpaid creditor or a jealous husband that would clear Baizen out.
Serena: Tell him you want to see him.
Chuck: Why? What do you have?
Serena: Just do it.

Lily: Did you and Blair find something you like at BBH?
Serena: Well Blair certainly did. Are you reorganizing?
Lily: Oh no. Just reminiscing.
Serena: Why is Bart’s name next to Trent Reznor and the Klauses? Oh my god. Mom, what is that?
Lily: It’s—
Serena: No no. Please. Don’t answer.
Lily: It’s a long story between me and Rufus.
Serena: Wait, you’re not showing Rufus that are you?
Lily: Well. We agreed to be up front with each other.
Serena: Up front, okay. But mom. It’s gonna take him 20 minutes to get through the 90s alone.
Lily: I know. I know. We got into this tiff because he hadn’t told me he dated Bex. And then the next thing I know I was saying yes to lists. And how am I going to back out now? Besides, I’m not ashamed of my past. Well most of it anyway. Do you think he’ll judge?
Serena: I think you should just sneak a peek at his Little Black Book before you drop the Yellow Pages on him. Just make sure your numbers are on par.She reads further. Slash? Seriously?

Vanessa: I feel like a Republican at the Kennedy compound.
Maureen (Holley Fain): Oh don’t fret. Everyone loves you. They’re probably already designing the campaign posters.
Vanessa: What do you mean?
Maureen: I assume you saw the “Hall O’ Governors”. Politics is a Van der Bilt birthright. And with Nate’s charm and your background—
Vanessa: Excuse me?
Maureen: Nate mentioned you’re kind of an activist in your community. A documentary filmmaker.
Vanessa: Oh, yeah. Well I think you’ve been misinformed. The only thing Nate’s ever voted for is American Idol.
Maureen: Trip was the same way. He wanted to be an archeologist in college. Like Indiana Jones. Now he’s Law Review at Yale and about to clerk for the Supreme Court. Grandfather can be very persuasive.

Maureen: Welcome to the next thirty years.

Carter: I’m surprised. You waved the white flag so soon. {he drains his drink} Goes down almost as easy as you did.
Chuck: So it was all just a game?
Carter: Initially, yes. Though I have to admit Blair surprised me. That girl certainly knows how to let loose. Victory never tasted so sweet. Speaking of which, do you mind if I take this? Blair’s meeting me at a party and it’s not the kind of place she should be left alone.
Serena: Actually I don’t think you’re going to be making that.
Carter: What’s this? Good cop, Bass cop?
Serena: Blair needs to regroup so you need to bid adieu.
Carter: Dubai again. Nice try but I’m having too much fun. Nothing’s going to get me to leave town.
Serena: What about Santorini? You think Blair will want to hear about that? The Greek guy Spiros? The Greek police. I still have all their phone numbers from when they questioned me.
Carter: You wouldn’t.
Serena: I would. But I won’t if you leave town now. Alone.
Carter: There are a few things I could hold over your head from that trip. But consider us even. If the two of you think that getting rid of me is going to magically change back your friend, think again. I’m just a symptom of the disease. Not the cause.

Chuck: What happened in Santorini?
Serena: Let’s find Blair. I want to make sure she’s okay.

Gossip Girl: Spotted: B taking one small step for new Blair. One giant step towards a strange townhouse. Enter at your own risk, B.

Rufus: We’ve touched on the weather. I think we’ve made a clean sweep of all possible small talk.
Lily clearing her throat: Well I think we should just get it over with before the kids come home.
Rufus: I will go first. Is it all right?
Lily: Yes of course? And… this is the whole thing?
Rufus: That’s it.
Lily: Okay. Well then that’s just, um, okay. I’ll just get mine.
Rufus: Well. {scanning the the list} Oh here I am! I’m sorry. It’s just… well, I’m relieved. Please don’t take that the wrong way. It’s just you’ve dated more people than I have and I wasn’t sure I was in the same, ah, ballpark.
Lily: Well I’m glad that that is behind us.

Jenny: What happened to you?
Dan: It’s called “Getting the Know the Van der Bilts” Which turned out to be less Gatsby and more Fight Club.

Serena: What do you mean she’s not here? You mean she went to that party alone?
Chuck: Look, you have to tell us where she is.
Dorota: I’m sorry but Miss Blair very specific. No tell Miss Serena, no tell Mr. Chuck. But if Mr. Chuck come, tell him Mr. Carter more attentive to woman’s—
Chuck: Enough! I’m not going to play “Where’s Waldorf” all night. How much is it going to cost?
Dorota: How much?
Serena: Dorota, please. Can’t you see that Blair has changed?
Dorota: Yes. It like old Miss Blair then new Miss Blair, like it was old Miss Serena now new Miss Serena. Very hard to keep track.

Vanessa: You should go meet them.
Nate: But we’re eating pierogies.
Vanessa: We’ll do the real thing this summer in Warsaw. And Moscow. And Budapest.
Nate: Summer Pierogy Tour ’09. I can’t wait.

A prepubescent girl answers the door: May I help you?
Chuck: Great. Looks like Polanski’s in town.

Serena: B, why didn’t you tell us?
Blair: What? That I was coming to debase myself by begging to be accepted to Sarah Lawrence? Gee, you’re right. Why didn’t I update my Facebook page?
Chuck: It’s nice to know the old Blair is in there somewhere.
Serena: I knew you wouldn’t give up.
Blair: You’re wrong. I just did. Don’t follow me.

Gossip Girl: Poor B. Couldn’t spin this one in her favor. Looks like now she’s spinning out.

Serena: Blair! Hey, you look great.
Blair: I feel great.
Serena: Why?
Blair: Because I realized that while we can’t tear out a single page of our life, we can throw the whole book in the fire. George Sand. She understands me. And what better place to go up in smoke than in front of the crème de la crème of New York society?

Society Matron (Emily Fletcher): Blair Waldorf. How are you, dear? I heard you rejected The Colony Club. Too stuffy for my tastes as well.
Blair: That’s because your tastes include sleeping with your driver and popping prescription meds.
Serena: Okay. Not good.
Blair: Not good. Like Dan having sex with Rachel Carr in the costume closet during the school play not good. By the end of tonight the old Blair will be dead and buried with no chance for a resurrection. Hey! You! Garçon with the bubble butt. Arrête.
Serena: Well. That was…
Chuck: Go find Dan. I’ll make sure this social eulogy doesn’t get out of hand.
Serena: Thanks Chuck.

Vanessa: Security check? I can’t even fit my lipstick in here. What could I possibly be trying to sneak in?
Dan: I don’t know. Liberal agenda. Universal healthcare. Education reform. Increasing the Estate Tax.

Vanessa: Anything you want to say to me?
Nate: Who told you?
Vanessa: Trip. Now here’s the part where you tell me that you told your grandfather you already made plans for the summer.
Nate: Look I haven’t made any decisions yet.
Vanessa: No you haven’t. Your grandfather made this decision for you.
Nate: It’s not like that.
Vanessa: Then tell me what it’s like, because two days ago you were so excited to get away from everything, just the two of us.
Nate: I know I am. But it is an amazing opportunity.
Vanessa: For what? To turn into Trip? Is that what you want to be in five years?
Nate: I don’t know who I want to be in five years. That’s the point.
Vanessa: If this is something I honestly thought you wanted I’d be happy for you. But can you really tell me this isn’t about what William wants you to do.
Nate: As opposed to what you want me to do. I didn’t mean that. It’s just, my grandfather believes in me.

Blair: So what are we talking about?
Serial Divorcée: It’s good to see you Blair! Is your mother here?
Blair: No. It’s a shame though. She should be here to see this.
Serial Divorcée: You must have her call me. Gerald and I just got engaged and I need an Eleanor Waldorf design for the big day.
Blair: Sure. Though I think she discontinued her third-trip-down-the aisle-only-took-the-plunge-for-money line.
Serial Divorcée: Oh Blair. I think you’ve had too much to drink.
Blair: Oh. You would know. Three DUIs now, is it? Not that I blame you. to her husband: Her way to escape the whispers that you made your money in adult entertainment web sites.
Chuck stepping in: Sorry everyone.
Blair: Bye!
Chuck to the porn impresario: Big fan of your sites.

Chuck: What are you doing? Trying to destroy the old you? Burn every bridge? It won’t help. Believe me, I’ve tried.
Blair: Well maybe I should head up to the roof, make it a little more dramatic.
Chuck: This isn’t you.
Blair: How would you know?
Chuck: Because I know you better than I know myself.
Blair: Oh. Right. You can see right through me. Can’t you, Chuck? Right to my core. Do you remember the first time you saw the real me? The Blair that danced for you that night at Victrola? The Blair with none of the hangups, none of the frustrations. That’s the Blair right here. Take me now.
Chuck: Why?
Blair: To prove that nothing matters.
Chuck: No. This isn’t you. It’s not the Blair I want.
Blair: That’s right. And I never will be again.

Gossip Girl: The danger with calling someone’s bluff is that even if you win—
Blair: Goodbye Chuck.
Gossip Girl: —you risk them walking away from the table for good. And who wants to play with themselves?

Nate: Hey. What are you doing out here?
Blair: I don’t know.
Nate: Well here. He gives her his coat. Take that.
Blair: Do you remember the first time you brought me here? When we first started dating. We were like—
Nate: Twelve or thirteen.
Blair: We used to talk about our future. How perfect everything would be, remember?
Nate: Yeah.
Blair: What happened? And when did everything get so screwed up? This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel so—
Nate: Lost. Do you remember when you used to make us watch your favorite movies over and over again? Like Tiffany’s and Holiday. It used to drive me nuts.
Blair: This is a pep talk.
Nate: Well I finally asked you why you like watching movies you’ve already seen. And you know what you said?
Blair: I like knowing how things are going to turn out.
Nate: Exactly. Well growing up I never knew who I was supposed to be. So I’d spend all my time apologizing for the privilege and the wealth and the opportunities I felt other people deserved more than I did. Well you know what I finally learned? You can’t fight against who you are. And you are Blair Waldorf.
Blair: What happened to the Nate Archibald who just wanted to get high and play Halo?
Nate: I don’t know. Well I better head inside.
Blair: Nate. he turns. Don’t forget your jacket.
Nate: Thank you.

Dan: Serena, hey how are you— she slaps him. Woah. What was that for?
Serena: I don’t know, Newland Archer. Try to rack your brain a little.
Dan: Blair told you about me and Rachel.
Serena: In the costume closet, yes.
Dan: Well you and I were broken up.
Serena: Oh, so that makes it okay to have sex with a teacher?
Dan: She wasn’t my teacher.
Serena: No. She was mine. And you slept with her at school, during a play, with me probably 20 feet away.
Dan: Okay, yeah. Right. When you put it like that. She smiles. What? Why are you smiling?
Serena: I don’t know. I am mad, but that was invigorating.
Dan laughing: That’s good to know that you enjoy hitting people. He sees a woman taking a photo with her iPhone. Oh look! That’s wonderful. I’ll be sure to check that out on bitchslappedagain.com later.
Serena punches him: Let’s go get you ice.

Lily: You remembered the egg rolls. Make sure I only eat a few or I’m going to feel guilty.
Rufus: Not likely.
Lily: Okay. Enough. What’s going on with you? He hands her the second page of her list. I’m sorry. I was going to tell you.
Rufus: Let’s just pretend like this never happened. That’s obviously what you wanted.
Lily: That’s not fair.
Rufus: No kidding. Which is why I didn’t show you some condensed version of my list.
Lily: Your list was a dozen people. How much more condensed could it have been?
Rufus: Thirteen. And I’m not embarrassed about my past.
Lily: No. You’re just embarrassed about mine. When you saw the condensed version you told me you were relieved. So. I think we’ve found out everything we needed to know about each other.

Gossip Girl: Call your travel agent, kiddies. Looks like Nate Archibald traded in a summer of love for a one-way ticket to his legacy.

Serena: Chuck. No reaction. Okay, fine. Have fun drinking by yourself. She turns to leave.
Chuck: I’m losing her.
Serena: Well then fight for her. She did for you.
Chuck: I tried. And failed.
Serena: Well then try again, Chuck. Her plan didn’t work out for her and she doesn’t know what’s going to happen next. If you want to be back in her life make her feel safe. You know what to say.

Rufus: That’s the only things I need to know. Things that make you happy or sad or crazy. Although that last one would be kinda hard to condense.

Lily: I don’t get it. I mean I know you were married for 18 years. But you were the lead singer of a not-entirely-unpopular band. And I remember beautiful girls throwing themselves at you every night.
Rufus: It’s true. But the majority of that time I was pining for a certain blonde photojournalist.

Gossip Girl: Springtime. A season for rebirth and new beginnings. For some it’s a chance to turn over a new leaf.

Dorota: I told doorman, no visitors. Mr. Chuck. It’s late.
Chuck: I just need a moment of her time.
Dorota: Miss Blair asleep. I’m sorry.
Chuck: Can you tell her that I stopped by and that I have something I need to tell her?
Dorota: I will. In morning.

Gossip Girl: For others, it’s the surprise of seeing something bloom.

Blair to Nate: Wait. Stay.

Gossip Girl: But for yours truly, it’s a reminder that on the Upper East Side, everything old can be new again. XOXO —Gossip Girl.