Season 1

Pilot

Eleanor Waldorf: Blair. If you’re going to wear one of my designs tell me so we can at least get it properly fitted.
Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester): Thanks mom. I’ll keep that in mind.

Kati Farkas (Nan Zhang): Oh my god! You’ll never believe what’s on Gossip Girl.
Isabel Coates (Nicole Fiscella): Someone saw Serena getting off the train at Grand Central.
Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick): Good. Things were getting a little dull around here.

Blair: Serena! So good to see you. Come, we’re about to have dinner.
Eleanor: I’ll set a place for you at the table next to Blair.
Serena: Yeah, actually, um, there’s somewhere I have to go.
Blair: You’re leaving?
Serena: Yeah, I don’t feel well. I just wanted to come by and say hi. I’ll see you at school tomorrow. {she leaves}
Blair: School. So I guess she’s back for good.
Kati: Didn’t you know she was coming?
Blair: Of course I did. I just wanted it to be a surprise.

Howard “The Captain” Archibald (Sam Robards): You guys broke up?
Nate: Yeah, I guess we did.
Howard: Blair is a great girl.
Nate: I know. I’m just not sure she’s the girl for me.
Howard: You guys have been dating since kindergarten.
Nate: So I keep hearing.

Dan: Look, when Prince Charming found Cinderella’s slipper they didn’t accuse him of having a foot fetish.
Dexter: And you’re Prince Charming? There’s Miss van der Woodsen now. Ah, Serena!
Dan: No no no. What are you doing don’t—
Dexter: Do you know this young man?
Dan: She doesn’t know me. Nobody knows me. It’s cool. It’s fine.
Serena: Oh, from last night. Right? I’m sorry about that.
Dan: You remember me? {to Dexter} She remembers me.
Dexter: Well he claims he found your cell phone.
Serena: Oh, you found it!

Eleanor: Blair, you will never be more beautiful or thin or happy than you are right now. I just want you to make the most of it.
Blair: I guess I have time to change.
Eleanor: And put some product in your hair. The ends are dry.

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The Wild Brunch

Dan: Hey, how you doing? I was in yesterday with Serena.
Dexter: How could I forget.
Dan: Yeah, well. Um. Is she in?
Dexter: Just missed her actually, but you’re welcome to wait.
Dan: Yeah, okay. Maybe I will. She probably won’t be that long, right?
Dexter: Once she went out and didn’t come back for six months, but feel free to sit. Over there.

Bart: The invitation said black tie, not black eye. Are you okay? I mean, if you’re in some kind of trouble—
Chuck: Only of my own making.
Bart Bass: Why do you think I do all this? Huh? This party is for you, okay, so you can meet people. You know, become a part of something, make some kind of change.
Chuck: Really? I thought it was another excuse for an open bar and, ah, rehiring of the nearly-nude statues.
Bart: Do me a favor, will you? Lose the Scotch. It’s barely noon.

Nate: Dad, not everything in life’s a business deal.
Mr. Archibald: Come talk to me in 30 years.

Bart: Well it just seems to me that you’re the one who doesn’t want to be seen together in public.
Lily: Well I do want to be seen together, I just don’t want to see you with anyone else. Tell your harem of shop girls and models that you’re seeing someone.
Bart: I am but those conversations take a little time.
Lily: Well they’ve got nothing but time, Bart. They’re 25.

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Poison Ivy

Billard Guidance Counselor: For those of you who dream of attending an Ivy League school, this mixer is the most important event of your life.
St. Jude’s: But no pressure.

Mr. Archibald: Your mother and I didn’t work this hard so you could just make things up as you go along. Dartmouth. Law school. Blair. Soon you’re gonna have everything.

Ref: Running out of colors here, Blair.
Serena: And I’m running out of patience. That’s enough.
Blair: It’s enough when I say it’s enough.

Nate: I liked your book.
Hall: Oh, thanks. What did you think of the epilogue? Some people realy love it. The NYT called it a cheap cop out. Warner Bros. is making a movie. I think they’re going to change the end.
Nate: Well I can see how the ending might not be all that… commercial. would you like a drink?

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Bad News Blair

Eleanor: Before you tuck into that, you might find a lowfat yogurt more appealing.

Kati: I think this is my best pose.
Iz: That’s because you can’t see what you look like. You’re just a hand model and that’s it.

Blair: You haven’t done this since I was little.
Eleanor: You haven’t been in bed by ten since you were little.

Terry: Your girl is rigid like a twig. You know, she’s afraid to let you in. So your works of art and she fail to achieve— what’s the word?
Eleanor: Symbiosis.

Eleanor: You’ve always been my biggest supporter, my biggest fan.
Blair: I’m your daughter.
Eleanor: And as my daughter I knew that you would forgive me, in time. But if my company had lost this deal because of you I’d never forgive myself.
Blair: I hope you never do.

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Dare Devil

Intake Nurse: What drugs have you been taking?
Blair: Mm… caffeine. Nicotine. Ketamine. GHB. PCP. LSD. Dir- Diazepam. Lorazepam. All the pams, really. I don’t discriminate.
Intake Nurse: Apparently not.

Wall Street: Hey, Baby. You wanted to, ah, maybe show me to the bathroom, get lost somewhere around coat check?
Blair: My answer is usually never say never. But for you I’ll make an exception.

Amanda: Are you her? Are you Claire?
Serena: What? No.

Dan to Jenny: What are you even doing here? You’re supposed to be at a sleepover.
Amanda: You made out with a girl from a sleepover?
Dan: You made out with him?
Wall Street: No. I made out with her.
Blair: Ew. It was a dare.
Amanda: A dare? What are you, children?
Dan: Yeah, pretty much. She’s fourteen.

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The Handmaiden’s Tale

Vanessa: Big night out with over-privileged under-parented trust fund brats from your fancy school?
Dan: Yeah, the limo’s actually waiting back at the loft.
Vanessa Abrams: Good. We can egg it. Maybe slash the tires.

Vanessa: We can start slow. With the basics.
Dan: Like fewer lies, more Ukrainian food?

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Victor/Victrola

Bart Bass: What’s with the business formal? Are you being arraigned for something?

Dan: How was I?
Serena: I don’t know. Let’s ask the judges.
Cotty: I was gonna give you a three, but since you’re a virgin I gave you an extra point.
Dan: Hey, I chose to wait. Sex is meaningful. Like art. And you don’t rush art.
Iz: Who’s Art?

Eleanor: You need to look elegant for the Archibald dinner tomorrow night. So what do you think?
Blair: Yes, it would be very nice if I was sailing up on the Mayflower.

Nate: You look down at the floor every time someone tries to tell you the truth. Just look at me. Mom. I saw dad buying drugs yesterday.
Mrs. Archibald: He’s been under a lot of pressure. And if you hadn’t been so difficult lately.

Nate: Mom, dad needs your help.
Mrs. Archibald: Not another word of this. We have a celebratory dinner to get to. Please wear a tie.

Vanessa to Jenny: You look pretty good for a dead messenger.

Nate: Dad, you have a problem.
Mr. Archibald: I don’t have a problem.
Nate: You’re tweaked and embarrassing, you’re trying to tell me you don’t have a problem?

There’s a fire eater in the ladies’ lounge.

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Seventeen Candles

Blair: After being broken up with my boyfriend for exactly 20 minutes, I succumbed to inebriation, performed at a speakeasy, and surrendered my virtue to a self-absorbed ass. The only good news is that he’s a total pig who’ll act it never happened. Thank god. Sorry. Truthfully I’m not even Catholic.
Priest: You don’t say.

Blair: You don’t grant birthday wishes, do you?
Priest: I’m a priest, not a genie.

Nate: Mom, that’s a family heirloom. I’m not giving it to Blair. It’s an engagement ring.
Mrs. Archibald: I’m not asking you to propose. But it’s important that Blair knows how much you value her loyalty.
Nate: Her loyalty or her mother’s?

Dan: You don’t get it, do you? You think I’m only mad about the cheating?
Allison Humphrey: Okay, what else?
Dan: Maybe that you promised you’d be home by the end of summer and then weren’t. Maybe that you left at all.
Allison Humphrey: I asked if you were okay with me going away and I’d hoped that if there was a problem you would say something.
Dan: Like what? Your daughter’s a freshman at a school populated by mean girls and date rapists, I think she needs her mom? Or maybe, My father is madly in love with you and will probably never get over this. Why should I have to tell you this?

Serena: Blair this is Dan’s friend, Vanessa.
Vanessa: Wow, you didn’t mention they were so nice. Now I get it.
Blair: Oh sweetie, you did not tell me she looked like that. This is such a problem.

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Blair Waldorf Must Pie!

Eleanor: Laurel brought one of the models I’m working with.
Harold: Do I know her? What’s her name.
Eleanor: His name? Is Roman.
Harold: Ah. Roman.
Eleanor: Not this one, Harold. We have to work together.

Nate: So what’d I miss?
Harold: Hm. Nothing. You’re about to witness the return of Sober Serena.
Nate: Oh no. Oh no.
Harold: Maybe not. Sweetie, would you take her upstairs, put her in the bath before your mother gets wind of this whole situation?

Eleanor: Everyone is getting ready for our lovely dinner. And you should be too.
Blair: Everyone except Daddy. Where is he?
Eleanor: I thought you knew.
Blair: Knew what?
Eleanor: Your father isn’t coming. He didn’t tell you?

Lily: I am sorry. I did not know that you were—
Allison: Back? Well I am. And why would you know?
Lily: Well Dan never mentioned it when he invited me. to Rufus I called.
Rufus: I didn’t hear the phone.

Eleanor: When are you going to get it through your head? He left us.
Blair: He left you.

Dan: You were talking about your ranch.
Jenny: Did you have any horses?
Lily: Yes, I had a few. Um, I had my own. Rosewood.
Jenny: My dad has a song called Rosewood.
Rufus: Oh, but no, not that Rosewood.
Dan: I completely forgot about that song!
Jenny: Yeah, it’s about my mom, you know. ‘Cause she had this perfume that she always wore. It was rose and —
Dan: Sandalwood.
Jenny: Sandalwood. It was like her own personal scent.
Allison: I’m a fool.
Rufus: You’re not a fool.
Dan: Raise your hand if you’re over 30 and acting really weird right now.

Dan: So what was so bad about her? And I mean aside from the superior fluttering eyelids and the punishing sarcasm.
Allison: Well, she was your dad’s first great love.
As she liked to remind me every chance she got. It was kinda hard to compete with that.

Harold: Serena, you look wonderful. That shirt was made for you.
Serena: Actually, it was made for you.
Harold: I knew there was I reason I liked it. Yours too, I see.

Mrs. Archibald: Your father and his headaches. Probably took a vicodin and forgot. Had some whiskey and next thing —
Nate: Mom, seriously. Did you hear anything the doctor said? With what he took he could have cured 30 headaches. Mom, he’s got a problem. And ignoring it almost killed him.
Mrs. Archibald: Oh no, this is not my fault.
Nate: I’m not blaming anybody.
Mrs. Archibald: You can blame whoever you want, but not me.

Mrs. Archibald: All he had to do was sit behind a desk, put on a suit, and not get arrested. And he couldn’t manage to do that. You want me to give him more responsibiltiy in this family?

Dan: There’s no chance we’re related, right?
Jenny: Oh, look at Eric’s roots.
Eric: What do you mean? What’s wrong with my roots?
Jenny: They’re kind of Rufus-like, doncha think?

Allison: I think we’re splitting hairs here, Rufus. An emotional affair is just as bad as a physical one.
Lily: Oh please. Nobody’s buying that. Emotional affairs are necessary to keep a marriage alive.
Allison: And how many times have you been divorced?
Rufus: Allison, this is not about Lily. This is about you and me.
Allison: Exactly. And if we’re going to have any chance then she can’t be here.
Lily: What, for Thanksgiving? Or ever? Oh you can’t be serious.
Allison: I am.

Eleanor: Blair, I know I shouldn’t have lied to you about your father.
Blair: That never stopped you before.
Eleanor: True. But the real truth. Divorce papers. From your father. I’m supposed to sign them. I haven’t yet.
Blair: Mom. He’s living in Europe. With a man. You can’t be all that surprised that he wants a divorce.
Eleanor: I’m not. But what I am surprised about is how it makes me feel. He was my husband, after all. He was my Harold. For almost 20 years. I couldn’t face him during the holidays. It was always our happiest time.
Blair: Why didn’t you just tell me that?
Eleanor: Let you choose between the two of us? I wonder who would have won that battle. I would have been entirely alone. Although… I was anyway.

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Hi, Society

Lily: Hello Mother.
Celia: Is there a bar in this place?

Celia: Dan… Humphrey, was it?
Lily: Yes mother.

Rufus: I sense a favor about to be asked.
Jenny: Well, turns out I got a volunteer position at a charity.
Rufus: That’s great! When is it?
Jenny: Sunday night. And I know it’s mom’s opening and I know it’s really important but I can do both.
Rufus: As a family we support each other. And when one of us has something important we all show up for it. Maybe you can volunteer next year.
Allison: Volunteer for what?
Jenny: Nothing. Doesn’t matter ’cause dad said I can’t go.

Lily: You know what, it is so nice of you to let Jenny come to our little event. You know cotillion’s really are instructive. They teach young girls good social graces—
Allison: Well then I’m sure she’ll learn a lot. I’m gonna go.
Jenny: I’ll come with you.
Allison: No need. I’ll see you later.

Celia: I don’t like my ice to get lonely, dear.
Maid: Of course, ma’am.

Allison: Look, I know that my coming back has been rocky. But I can’t keep being afraid that if I act more like your mother and less like your friend that I’m gonna lose you.
Jenny: If you were still in Hudson I’d be able to go.
Allison: Well I am not there. I am here. And I don’t really care if that makes you happy or unhappy. I’m still your mother. You can come to my show tomorrow and then you are grounded for a week.

Celia: So I see it’s true what they say about the apple and the tree.
Rufus: Hello Celia. I’d say it’s nice to see you but I know you hate dishonesty.
Cecelia: It appears that your son is taking my granddaughter to the ball tonight.
Rufus: He is?
Celia: I’d rather see that not happen. There’s no point in being presented if it’s improperly and your Daniel is not a proper companion for a girl like Serena. He’s a temporary distraction. I need her to focus on her future.
Rufus: Hers or yours?

Rufus: Your money was no good for me then and it’s still no good with me now. And you can rest assured that like me, my son can’t be bought.
Celia: And I can assure you, just like her mother my granddaughter can be.
Rufus: What do you mean?
Celia: All those years ago I told Lily to choose between you and her inheritance. I’d tell you the end of that story but I think you know it by heart.

Celia: If Serena’s doing this for me she has to do it right. Besides, it took me years to restore our family name after your exploits. Trust me, you don’t want to do the same.

“Ms. van der Woodsen hopes to bed as many billionaires as she can before settling down to—” Oh my god!

Serena: I’m so sorry. I know this is not what you signed up for.
Carter: That’s okay. It doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as waking up that morning in Santorini and finding you’d jumped on a boat.

Allison to Jenny: Rather than apologizing to me, you need to look at yourself and ask if you lke the person you’re becoming.

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Roman Holiday

Roman: Blair. hugs her You are still perfection. Delicate yet full with flavor. Like a macaroon.

Rufus: My son, the writer.
Allison: Published writer.
Jenny: Yeah, you got your dream girl and your story in The New Yorker. Maybe you should just die now.
Dan: That’s true. I may have peaked.

Dan: This one is from the Smiths. “Seasons Greetings”. That’s very original.
Jenny: Their name is Smith. They don’t have to be original.
Dan: This one is from Alex. “Allison, meet me on the 24th.”
Allison: No, Dan—
Dan: And… that’s not a Christmas card.

Roman: The handsome man was just flirting with you.
Eleanor: That’s absurd! He was not flirting with me. smacks him with her bag

Rufus: She told you to leave her alone.
Alex: I’m sorry. That’s not what she told me a couple days ago.
Rufus: You spoke to her?

Rufus: Would you have come back if Jenny hadn’t shown up to bring you?
Allison: If I hadn’t would Lily be here right now?

Eleanor: What are you doing here?
Jack: I was hoping to see you again. I thought it very good fortune that Roman tracked me down at the skating rink and extended an invitation.
Eleanor: Oh. Well. Enjoy the party.

Eleanor: How dare you invite strange men to my home.
Roman: Jack came? Go talk to him.
Eleanor: Roman! You practically picked him up off the street.
Roman: And then I googled him. His name is Jack Roth. He owns a prominent hedge fund with offices in London and Barcelona. And he finds you very attractive.
Eleanor: Well that’s no… excuse. And I am dong just fine without your romantic help.
Roman: Are you? Eleanor, we’ve been friends for a long time. Before Marc Jacobs went into rehab.
Eleanor: Friends don’t steal other friends’ husbands.

Jenny: I thought that if I got them under the same roof that things would go back to the way they were. They havent, have they?
Dan: I think there’s a real possibility that they might split up.

Harold: So you couldn’t last two days in town without contacting him?
Roman: I can’t believe you trust appearances and not me.
Eleanor: Harold, dear. Roman did not invite Freddy. I think Blair did.

Eleanor: I wish you would jsut slow down for a minute and let Blair be.
Harold: I can’t believe that Blair would do something so cruel. And to Roman, who’s only ever been completely kind to her.
Eleanor: It isn’t Roman Blair’s lashing out at, it’s you. She was looking forward to spending time with you alone. And then you show up at our doorstep with your lover.
Harold: Without a word of warning. How did you expect her to react?
Eleanor: Well I hoped that once we were together that it would work out. I suppose that was pretty naive.
Eleanor: Blair learned scheming from her mother. And unrealistic dreaming from her father. She tries really hard to act all grown up. But don’t you be fooled. She’s still a little girl. Who needs her daddy.

Blair: Your house in France. It’s very nice, Daddy. I’m sure you and Roman will totally enjoy it.
Harold: And so will you. Because this— is your room.
Blair: It’s beautiful.
Harold: We already decorated it just for you.
Blair: A cat.
Harold: A cat. Named cat. Like in your favorite movie. It was Roman’s idea.

Bart: I know how you like Florida.
Eric: Yeah, Wow. Number One Fan.

Bart: Lily, would you do me the honor of being my wife?

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School Lies

Vanessa: Come on! Be interesting. You don’t want me to move back to Vermont, do you?
Dan: No. But if your whole future depends on you getting this grant for your documentary I really really think you should find a new subject.
Vanessa: Absolutely not. “The outsider goes inside: A likeable everyman’s pursuit of his dreamgirl begins his descent into the bowels of hell.” This is mythic stuff.

Vanessa: So what will it be, Dan? Cheerios and Chaucer or an illegal party at your prep school with your high society girlfriend and her nasty cohorts?
Dan: Dad? Vanessa and I are going out.

Headmistress Queller: Ten thousand words describing how you came to be on school property after hours using alcohol and drugs where a fellow student almost died. In other words, what the hell is wrong with you?

Headmistress Queller: I reviewed your record. It’s pristine. If Constance had a shining star, it’s Blair Waldorf. I would never have expected this from you.
Blair: I know. I’m the perfect one.

Headmistress Queller to Nate: From what I can see, you always seem to be toting the line of mediocrity.

Vanessa: What are you going to do to me, Blair? Blackball me from eating yogurt on the Met steps?

Vanessa: What’s that? Your stripper money?

Vanessa: I know this may come as a shock. But not everyone operates from an agenda. In fact some people do things simply because it’s the decent thing to do. Smash it, burn, whatever. There are no copies.
Blair: What about the one you gave to Chuck?
Vanessa: It’s blank. Which I’m sure he will be thrilled to discover. And having observed you in your natural habitat these last few days, Nate seems like one of the good guys. And you seem to really care about him.

Headmistress Queller: Who had the key to the school?
Dan: I don’t know.
Headmistress Queller: Let me remind you that you are in a different position from the others. You need this school.

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The Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate

Stepsitter1: Blair, given that you can barely manage your own messy affairs surely you’re not in a position to tell anyone where they can and can’t eat.
Blair: Do you realize who you’re talking to?
Stepsitter2: You mean a self-righteous bitch who always sat on her own high horse judging everyone else?
Stepsitter1: Pregnant little hypocrite.
Blair: Not that it’s any of your business but I’m not pregnant.
Stepsitter2: Nate must be thrilled.
Stepsitter1: Chuck too.

Blair: Jenny. It is highly unlikely that I will ever forgive you for going to Nate. But if you walk away from me now I will also ruin you.
Jenny: How are you gonna do that?

Eleanor: You okay?
Blair: I’d be a lot better if I could spend a semester going to school in France.
Eleanor: A semester? Well, I already talked to Harold about a visit and he was thrilled.
Blair: So can I go?
Eleanor: Now?
Blair: Mom, please try.
Eleanor: Blair, I am very concerned.
Blair: So book a flight.
Eleanor: We’ll get you out tomorrow.
Blair: Thank you.

Bex: Despite your worst efforts, I am completely charmed by you, Rufus Humphrey.
Rufus: Thanks. I think.
Bex: Okay. Here’s where we are. Dating 101: Lesson One. In two days you are going to call me and thank me for forgiving you of your dating faux pas. You’ll ask me out to dinner. Someplace elegant, but intimate. And we are going to have a fabulous time. Got all that?
Rufus: Absolutely.
Bex: Good. Talk to you in two days.
Rufus: Two days.
Bex walks away until her phone rings: Hello?
Rufus on the phone: I never was good at following rules.

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The Blair Bitch Project

Dorota: Club Bed is over. First day back to school.

Lily: Oh, don’t put your dirty package on the table.
Chuck: If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard that.
Bart: That’s enough, Chuck.

Iz about the look on Jenny’s face: I don’t think she was surprised.

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Desperately Seeking Serena

Vanessa: Is there a reason you insist on looking so desperate and needy?
Dan: She’s been like that since we were kids. Venomous without provocation.
Vanessa: It’s better than being a charity case.
Dan: She’s rude too.

Hazel: You know what’d be hot? You, us, at G Spa.
Nelly: I don’t drink.
Penelope: Saks Fifth.
Nelly: Hate shopping.
Hazel: Yogurt on the steps?
Nelly: Lactose intolerant. Look, I really don’t want any friends. All I want is to be alone and to never listen to Flo Rida ever again.
Penelope: What happened? A little backstage hit-it-and-quit-it?
Nelly: No. My boyfriend broke up with me at a Flo Rida concert. One minute we’re waving our hands in the air like we just didn’t care and the next we’re just— storms off

Vanessa to Nate: I judged the cover. But now that I’ve read the book I figured you were owed some apologetic Souvlaki at the very least.

Nate: Next time your sister’s band is in town I want front row seats.
Vanessa: You don’t strike me as a Lesbian Punk fan.
Nate: You know I am just offended by how much you underestimate me, Ms. Abrams.
Vanessa: You like punk?
Nate: Oh. I didn’t hear you— You said “punk”? Because you had me at “lesbian”.

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All About My Brother

Dan: Asher. Got a minute?
Asher: Yeah, but just a minute. Jenny and I have a lunch date.
Dan: Well look there’s no easy way to say this, honestly, so I’m just going to, I’m just going to say it. I saw you. This morning.
Asher: Saw me what?
Dan: I saw you, you know. I saw you kissing that guy.
Asher: You’ve got the wrong person.
Dan: C’mon man, I don’t think I do.
Asher: Are you calling me queer?
Dan: That’s not at all what I said.
Asher: Do you wanna know how “queer” I am? I’m so queer I’m gonna pop your sister’s cherry tonight.
Dan gives him a solid right hook to the jaw. Or, you know… should have.

Iz: I am so glad Gossip Girl finally got her balls back.
Penelope: Yeah, she was totally turning into the new Page Six.

Asher: What are you doing?
Jenny “the Beard” Humphrey: What’s wrong?
Asher: Nothing’s wrong. This… just isn’t what we do. Are you suddenly not happy? I— I’m holding up my end of the bargain.
Jenny: What bargain?
Asher: You’re Jenny Humphrey. From Brooklyn. You need status, access, resources. I give that to you.
Jenny: What do I give you?
Asher: Do we really need to talk about this?
Jenny: Yeah. Yeah, we do. So what was on Gossip Girl’s true.
Asher: Do you really think someone like me would just date someone like you?
Jenny: You’ve been so nice.
Asher: And I’ll keep being nice. Nothing has to change, okay?

Blair: Thought you might want this back.
Asher: Whatever you found, it’s not what it looks like.
Blair: It’s always what it looks like. And judging by the texts and photos look’s like a little more than a friendship.
Asher: What are you going to do with them?
Blair: Well, lucky for you, your “friend” is someone I actually care about or I would have used them against you and Jenny already. Too bad you don’t care about him the same way.
Eric: It’s okay, Blair. I can handle this.
Asher: What’s he doing here?
Jenny: What is she doing here?
Eric: You gonna tell her or am I?
Asher: There’s nothing to tell.
Eric: Gossip Girl was right. Asher was kissing someone this morning. Me.
Asher: He’s totally lying. Tell him Jenny. I was with you all morning.
Jenny: Yeah, Asher’s right. I was with him. Eric’s lying.
Eric: Why would I stand here in front of everyone we know and tell them if it wasn’t true? I’m gay. And so are you.

Amber?: It’s kind of hard to party after the Gay Bomb drops.

Penelope: Dating a gay guy is an honest mistake, but lying to your friends about sex is unforgivable.
Iz: To think, I almost asked you to wear a matching dress tonight.
Penelope: You’re branded with the “L” Word. Liar.

Serena: No. I don’t believe you about Eric, about anything.
Georgina: Maybe you’re right. Maybe I did it on purpose. Because I can. Because I know things about you, about your family, about your boyfriend. And I know them before you do.

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Woman on the Verge

VH1 Guy: Tell me where you took this photograph. What undoubtedly could be called the band’s most well-known image.
Lily: Oh, well I wouldn’t go that far.
VH1 Guy: Well I would. It’s positively iconic. Were you and Rufus Humphrey already involved when you took it?
Lily: Excuse me?
VH1 Guy: Rufus Humphrey. Lead singer of Lincoln Hawk. Was this before or after?
Lily: Oh, well I simply don’t feel comfortable discussing anything other than my work.
VH1 Guy: I was talking about your work. Why’d you give up photography? Was it too hard to continue shooting after you broke his heart?

Dorota: Miss Serena is here.
Lily: So I’ve heard several times today.
Dorota: I know it’s not my place, but Miss Serena is [] old days.
Lily: What are you trying to say?
Dorota: I think you should have worry about your daughter. Worry like before she went away.
Lily: Well, uh. Thank you Dorota. I’ll take care of it.

Pete: Are you sure she’s gonna be down for this?
Georgina: It’s Serena. She goes down for anything.

Georgina: Hey V. I didn’t realize you’d be able to hang during the concert.
Vanessa: Do you have something you want to say to me?
Georgina: Not… that I know of.
Vanessa: You sure about that… Georgina?

Vanessa: I’m not a big fan of liars and neither is Dan. I’m giving you a chance to explain yourself here.

Serena: Hey, thank god you called. I’m here looking for you right now. Where are you?
Georgina: With me.
Serena: Georgina?
Georgina: I hear you told our little secret. If that’s how you want to play it, that’s how we’ll play it.
Serena: I’m not afraid of you anymore.
Georgina: You should be. ‘Cause all bets are off.
Serena: Why? What are you gonna do?
Georgina: It’s not what I’m gonna do, Sweetie. It’s who i’m gonna do it with.
Serena: No. I know Dan. He’s too good.
Georgina: You sure about that?

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Much “I Do” About Nothing

Lily: Well there is a comfort in revisiting the things that we loved when we were young.
Bart: But the truth is I’m not that young man anymore. I think maybe I’ve outgrown it. And holding onto it is keeping me from moving forward with what’s most important to me now. What do you think I should do?
Lily: I think you should let it go.
Bart: I agree. Now can you do the same for me?

Georgina: So you’re just going to go back to Serena like nothing happened and just leave me all alone?
Blair: Oh, you’re not alone Georgina. I’m here now. And I brought some people who really really want to see you. I think you remember your parents.

Georgina: Okay, um, mom, dad— This is not what you think. You have to believe me.
Blair: There there, Georgy, it’s gonna be okay.
Mrs. Sparks: No, this time it won’t.
Blair: Or it won’t. Your parents were so worried, G. They told me everything. How you were supposed to be on the equestrian circuit but sold your show pony for cocaine.
Georgina: That was a difficult time, but I put that behind me.
Blair: When? When you were in rehab? It’s hard to get clean when you hitchhike into town, steal a credit card, and book a ticket to Ibiza.
Georgina: You didn’t see where they sent me. I mean, that place was awful. It was in Utah. At least I lasted longer than Lohan.

Mr. Archibald: Little advice fellas. You’ve been friends a long time. Whoever she is, she’s not worth it.
Chuck: Couldn’t agree more.
Nate: That’s the problem.

Eric: Where’s my mom? Shouldn’t you be saying vows around now?
Bart: Your mother is a wonderful woman, Eric. But being on time: not a strong suit.

Nate: Dad, I know you’re scared. But we’ll get through the trial.
Mr. Archibald: No we won’t. I’m guilty, Nate. I’m facing 25 years.
Nate: So all that stuff about things looking good and working out, huh? What about mom?
Mr. Archibald: Who do you think’s paying for the private plane.
Nate: Why didn’t you tell me this?
Mr. Archibald: I didn’t want you to know anything; be an accessory. This is the best thing for everyone. I need you to step up right now. Be the man in the family for your mother.
Nate: It’s been that for awhile now. That’s for mom.

One Week Later

Dan: Tell me, what exactly happened with you and Man Bangs?
Vanessa: He is prettier than me but that wasn’t the problem.
Dan: Yeah? So what exactly was it? The whole perpetually stoned brooding guy thing?
Vanessa: I actually enjoyed the quiet. It was a nice change from you.
Dan: Oh. Was it his past with Serena?
Vanessa: No. That’s just your issue.
Dan: It must have been the different worlds thing, right? One of you always feeling like a fish out of water?
Vanessa: I know exactly what you’re doing. Ask me enough questions about Nate and I won’t ask you about Serena.
Dan: Best offense is a strong defense.

Amelia: What’s this?
Chuck: I was hoping we could discuss what you have planned for my room.
Amelia: And who are you?
Chuck: I’m Chuck Bass.

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